Shane's blog

QotD: Favorite Game

What was your favorite game to play when you were a kid?

Almost anything I could play alone. All I had was my older sister to play with most of the time. She cheated at every game we played and if I caught her at it she beat me up. Loads of fun there. I still play some card games with friends but not usually. I'm not afraid of getting beaten up anymore but I just don't have the like of many games. I hate watching sports on tv or listening to it on the radio so that's out too. I'm too fat and old and I smoke too much to be really active. I prefer my computer pool and Sunitaire games. Nobody to compete with and if I lose, who cares.

QotD: Baby Steps

Did your parents tell you what your very first word was? What about how old you were when you walked?

From what I've been told, my first word was shit. Followed by being knocked out of my highchair for my trouble. My mother wasn't exactly the nicest of people.

Mother's Day

In all the yrs I've been writing poetry I never wrote a poem called "Mother". Mother's are supposed to be the most respected ppl on Earth. I respect all mothers for the pain and joy they get from being a mother. They are soft as silk but hard as granite. Never cross a truly loving mother or you will regret it the rest of your life. They hold life within their bodies for 9 mnths and complain the whole time but when it's done they say that they can forget that pain because of the joy they found after 9 mnths.

Then you have women like my mother. Abusive and neglectful. Forgetting that a mother's job is to love their child thru everything in their lives. I love my mother because she gave life to me but that's as far as it goes. I have little respect for ppl that have no respect for me or myself. I prayed, when I was little, that a truck would run her over or lightning would strike her just to get her out of my misery. I guess her god was stronger than mine since she still lives and still has no respect for me. She tells me, from time to time, that she loves me. I had her explain this "love" to me once. She said that it is her job, as a christian, to love all ppl on the Earth.

I take my clues on how to be a parent from every mother I've ever encountered. Yes, even my own. They teach me what to do and what not to do to raise good children. I know that I will never be a father but that doesn't mean I can't be a good Dad. The things that I've learned from mothers in my life have been invaluable. My first set of stepkids were only 2,3,4 when I got them. I screwed up a lot in trying to raise them. Their mother taught me more than any other mother ever could because she was the consumate mother. She was the greatest mother I ever knew. The courts took my stepkids away after she died and so I never had a chance to really appologize to them for my mistakes. I tried to make up for past mistakes during the yrs we had together after I got my head on strait. I only have one left that will even talk to me. I guess I blew it worse than I thought I had. I have 3 stepkids now that I got when they were nearly grown. The oldest is 31 and has children of his own. The middle is 20 and getting ready to have a child of her own. Thje youngest is 19 and doesn't really look at me much like a parent. These kids already had their own lives when I came along. No chance to use the things I've learned in the past.

I hope that if you're reading this that you understand my point. It's simply that I Love and respect mothers. I hope some day to know the joy you all have in getting the chance to raise your children, as a good parent, from beginning to end.

Gettin Better....I Hope

Me and Deb spent the day in the bedroom yesterday. We were just enjoyin each other's company. We're really working on getting bac to where we belong. Our cart should be fixed by Tuesday so that'll hewlp a lotta things to be able to get out and away from the house. We enjoy being able to drive just to drive. Hope is a funny thing. It gives you an outlook that can't be matched by anything else. We hope and hope, in this life, in order to get by some days. It's hard just watching life go by when there's nothing else to do. I spend a lkot of time on my puter and so does she but we still chat on yahoo msgr so we're almost always talking to each other. We bitch about the kids or life in general or we just keep reminding each other how much we Love each other. It's nice to be reminded of Love but actions speak louder than words for most men. It's not just the words that count but every little thing a woman does for us. We try to give as much as we get but if we get nothing it's hard to give. They say a woman will multiply what you give her and that goes for men too. If you're not willing to give your all in a relationship then you don't belong in it in the first place. Talking to your partner is a good way to get things going in the right direction. If something's bothering you about your partner then how are they going to know it if you don't tell them? It's really not good to save that kind of stuff up for a later date either. If it's bugging you then holding it in will just be counterproductive when you finally do get around to talking about it. Emotional responces get all blown out of hand when you can't see anything but the problems. I talk to Deb all the time. I don't bottle things up till I can't act instead of react. It's a communication thing. I do save some things till the right time and sometimes there is no right time so it's time when it's time. If you're not willing to bring out the bad things then how do you expect to be able to see the good things and deal with them in a positive manner? Be kind to your partner and talk often.